I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
