Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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