I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
