Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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