He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
