I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
