there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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