Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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