It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
