giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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