if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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