I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
