So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
