Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
