People in love make me want to vomit
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
