I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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