he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
