Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
