hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
