Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
