Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
