Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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