I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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