I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
