And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
