she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need to stop coming to work sober
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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