I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
