the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
