Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
