I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
