He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
