i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
