How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
