Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
