White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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