if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
