Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
