Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
