I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
