we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
