Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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