discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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