Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
