I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
