True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
