we're chasing vodka with high fives
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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