she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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