Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
