Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
