So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
